Sexual Health FAQs

Have questions? Below are some common questions and issues that would be a great idea to discuss with your provider at your next appointment.

I have trouble communicating to my partner what will be enjoyable for me.

Clear, straightforward communication is the best way to ensure that your partner understands what gets you hot. If verbal conversations during sex are not ideal for you, nonverbal acts such as guiding your partner’s hand to a specific location can do the trick or you can always reserve time for pillow talk after things have cooled down. If you want to improvise, you can always “sext” suggestions during the day describing what you want to do later that night.

It hurts when we have sex.

Painful sex can occur due to a number of factors ranging from structural to emotional issues. Treatment options range from simply adding vaginal lubricant to the completion of sex therapy. If painful sex persists, it may be wise to visit FPA in order to pinpoint the exact cause and to develop an agreeable treatment regimen. Sex should be enjoyable not painful!

Ever since I have had children, I have had little to no sex drive.

Raising children can be a challenge in more ways than one. Often the lack of sleep related to “adulting” can focus your time in between the sheets on snoozing. Utilize your support group to help with childcare in order to create frequent one-on-one time with your special someone. Enjoying a romantic dinner and returning to a quiet house can do wonders for rekindling your sex life.

I have trouble getting wet enough to make sex enjoyable even though I am aroused and want to have sex.

The causes of vaginal dryness are numerous. The simplest solution is to add a vaginal lubricant into the bedroom and/or to increase the time spent during foreplay. If these simple solutions fail to increase moisture, visiting a health care provider for a general check-up may reveal the cause of and a solution to the dryness.

What are the best positions for female satisfaction during sex?

Favorite sex positions vary from lady to lady, but crowd favorites include “Doggie Style” (entrance by the male partner from behind while on all fours), “Girl on Top” (this one explains itself), and “Modified Missionary” (male partner on top with the back of the female’s thighs against his shoulders). Basically, positions that allow deeper penetration and access to your clitoris for stimulation are the best positions for female satisfaction. If these positions are old hat, try the less known “Reverse Cowgirl” (female partner on top facing away from male partner) or pick up a Kama Sutra book and experiment!

Is it okay to have sex during my period? Is it more or less enjoyable?

Sex during your period is perfectly okay from a health standpoint. Some women swear by sex during their period as a relieving factor of their menstrual cramps and PMS symptoms. Pelvic alterations such as cervical position changes during menses may even make sex more enjoyable for some women. Really, it depends on each couple’s personal preference.

My partner doesn’t seem as interested in sex – but I still am.

Having a partner that you share similar interests and pleasures with can make for an even-keeled relationship, especially in bed. Frustrations often arise if one partner is more sexually excited than the other. Many reasons may induce your partner to be less than willing to get it on (think: job stress). Talking with your partner or even completing sexual counseling can bring out hidden issues and allow a mutual solution to be developed. Here are my words of advice. Try not to take it personal. He still thinks you’re beautiful.

Should we strive to achieve simultaneous orgasms?

Absolutely! Simultaneous orgasms are the ultimate way to be in sync during sex. Remember, it is often difficult for women to orgasm without clitoral stimulation. Vibrators or hand stimulation of the clitoris can help with this. Simultaneous orgasms do require a bit of communication, however. Ladies, let your man know when you feel “close” to an orgasm; this way he will know whether to pick up or to slow down his pace, not to mention that this dirty talk will turn him on. But also remember, it is not necessary to have simultaneous orgasms to enjoy sex!

Is there anything you can do to change or increase your sex drive?

Bringing sexy back involves more than just lighting candles and slipping into something lacy. A healthy sex drive begins with a healthy lifestyle. Focusing on your physical and mental health can reap benefits for your sex drive. Try creating “me” time in which you self-focus and self-reflect through activities that rest and revive your mind. Next, try including your partner into healthy activities such as long walks and hikes that get your heart racing. Finally, try improving your diet with your partner in tow with healthy recipes, vegan cafes, and trips to the Farmer’s Market. A healthy lifestyle can do wonders for one’s sexuality. If these are already a part of your daily routine, come see us at FPA to chat about what we can do to help you further.

A woman’s sex drive naturally fluctuates over time in response to internal and external factors. The best approaches at increasing your sex drive include identifying and treating the underlying cause. If an easy solution is not readily identifiable, a medical evaluation and treatment with sexual counseling or medications may be helpful.

Can too much masturbation hurt your sex life?

Masturbation is natural. If you and your partner both express contentment with your sex life, masturbation is usually harmless. The truth is that some partners may not be okay with the masturbation habits of their partner, particularly if they feel that they are isolated from all the “fun.” The key is to not let your individual sex life become more exciting than your sex life with your partner.

Is female ejaculation real? How do you achieve this?

A very real phenomenon, female ejaculation is thought to occur during orgasm from the Skene’s glands, which are located near the entrance of the vagina. Achievement of female ejaculation is thought to occur secondary to simultaneous G-spot and clitoris stimulation; this statement may bring up even more confusion, as many women are confused about the location of their G-spot (on the wall of the vagina and internal to the urethra).

What is sex therapy and what happens in a sex therapy session?

Sex therapists are typically licensed psychologists, psychiatrists, or counselors with a strong understanding of human sexuality. During a therapy session, sex therapists utilize this understanding in order to best address the diverse sexual concerns that their clients bring to them. From erectile dysfunction to the lack of a sex drive, sex therapists listen to your problems while attempting to provide insight into the cause of the problem and a potential solution.

Do aphrodisiacs really work? If so, which ones have the best track record?

Aphrodisiacs or “sexy snacks” are thought to increase libido, potency, and sexual pleasure. From consuming live beetles to drinking ginseng tea, each culture has its own variation of what it believes improves sex. In North American culture, popular aphrodisiacs include pomegranate, oysters, pumpkin seeds, artichokes, assorted fruits, and olive oil. The truth is that there is inconsistent evidence in the literature to definitively prove that natural aphrodisiacs enhance sex.

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